This week we talk about a movie that got great reviews (Rotten Tomatos 97%) and yet failed at the most basic level. That’s right, we’re talking about the latest franchise installment of Mad Max: Fury Road, starring Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, and directed by George Miller. That hyperactive, blow-em-up, gasoline explosion extravaganza that thrilled every pyro inclined adolescent in America and broke the will of everyone who hopes to someday write a well plotted story for general consumption.
If you get the idea that I hated this movie you wouldn’t be far from the truth. Believe it or not, I have a superpower, and its the ability to watch a movie trailer and tell whether it will be successful or not. When I saw the trailer for Fury Road I immediately knew it would do well at the box office. It had all the right things; iconoclastic images, fighting, fast vehicles, fighting, savage environment, fighting, explosions out the yin-yang, and of course. more fighting. I knew it would do good, but I also figured it wouldn’t be the kind of story that appeals to me anymore, and boy was I right.
I rented it via iTunes and thirty minutes into this film I was ready to turn it off and not watch another second. Basically, because the level of suspended belief required to enjoy this movie requires something less than a stellar IQ. Somehow, 30 years after the world fell apart, there is still enough gasoline in Australia to power all these high-powered cars, trucks, motorcycles, and engines without much trouble. Let’s not even talk about the loss of technical knowledge required to keep them all running, or the fact that getting parts would be a total nightmare.
The story is a simplistic nightmare all based around an odd irrational culture that’s sprung up in the middle of the Australian desert where ‘he who controls the water controls the world‘ vibe is strong, and an artesian well of water exists underneath a bevy of mesas all controlled by one family. It then explodes (literally) into a series of car crashes, rolling fight scenes, and inarticulate rants as more and more roving clans of the insane come together to generate as much fire, smoke, dust clouds, and dead extras as the film could afford. By the Nth time, no one cares. I know I most certainly didn’t.
When it finally was over, I wanted my $4 back and the 2 hours of my life I’d wasted. So, unless your drunk, psychotic, or just don’t give a damn about losing brain cells, avoid this movie at all costs. Try something else, like the Fantastic Four remake.
It can’t be any worse. Can it?
